


special needs

by Songbirdmozlover



Series: special needs [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 08:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13244604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Songbirdmozlover/pseuds/Songbirdmozlover
Summary: Remus feels like he doesn't deserve his friends and especially Sirius so he runs away . Sirius blames his self for Remus running away because he didn't tell him how he felt .





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i have already posted this one on fanfiction.net

Story playlist ; you don't care about us by placebo , special needs by placebo and protege mio by placebo  
Just some songs i think fit this chapter not sure if i'll do it next time 

Remus had enough reasons his friends shouldn’t stand him.

He’s a danger.

A werewolf.

What if he bit or worse yet killed someone?

Bad enough he was in love with Sirius Black, his best friend. What would his friends think? Surely they'd abandon him, he was lucky they even put up with him. It wasn't fair to do this to them.

He was too much work for what little he was worth.

He decided in that moment that he would no longer burden those around him. What that meant, he didn't know. 

Running away? Dying?

He would do it by next week, he'd have to start packing now before his roommates came back. No, he couldn't hold his friends back like this for another day, he'd run away today.

 

After dinner the Marauders (James, Remus, Sirius and Peter) all made it back to their rooms. 

His roommates talked avidly of James’s plan to woo Lily.

The young werewolf wrote his goodbye letter to Sirius he couldn't bring himself to leave anything for his other friends. 

You're so selfish, can't even thank them for what they've done for you. He could feel hot tears fall down his face.

“Moony are you alright?” Sirius tenderly touched Remus’s knee.

“Yeah I’m fine.” 

Before they could ask him any other questions, the honey haired boy retreated to the bathroom.

Way to go to make a scene now there’ll never let you out of there sight.

The sound of a light knock on his stall interrupted his harsh criticism of himself “Moony are you alright? Please let me in.” It was Sirius, he was such a good friend much better than Remus felt he deserved.

“I’m fine, is it just you?”

“Yes of course, now please tell me what's wrong?”

“I just can't. Please leave.”

“I’m tired of losing people, let me help you.” Remus could feel another flood of unwanted tears run down his face.

“I’m so sorry! I can't do this, you don't understand.”

“Then explain it to me.” Sirius was now crying as well, 

“I can't lose you too Moony. I can’t.”

“I'm sorry Sirius… I really am.”

“Don't do this Moony.”

“I’ll be back in a minute once I get myself collected.”

“Moony…”

“Go I'll be right behind you I promise I just need a minute.” he could hear Sirius leave, he continued writing his letter..

 

Dear Sirius 

This isn't your fault. Your a great friend… Too good. I don't deserve you, or any of the Marauders. You're a better friend than I deserve. There's a secret I’ve hidden for too long. I love you, I know you couldn't possibly feel the same. By the time you read this I will be gone, maybe not dead but gone, for sure.

Goodbye, yours truly  
Remus Lupin 

Remus whipped his face and went back to his dorm, everyone was asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter playlist; “Soulmate, Twenty Years” by Placebro, Suede Down,

 

Remus was confused about what he should do next.

Was it true was Sirius had said?

Could he really not bear to lose him? 

Maybe he was making the wrong choice. 

No! Sirius didn't understand what kind of monster he really was. 

In the end what matter most was Sirius and his well being. 

And nothing could be well as long as Remus was in his life.

 

He devised a plan, around midnight he would get out of his bed and collect his bag then he would slip his letter into Sirius's hand while he slept. 

Remus knew almost all the passageways out the castle. After he got out he would take the secret entrance to Honeydukes in Hogwarts and stock up supplies. From there he would sleep in the Shrieking Shack for the night. He decided that he would stay near Hogwarts so he could use the Shrieking for his transformations and sleep there, once he was sure they’d given up trying to find him. 

[Meanwhile with Sirius]

Sirius Black had had the weirdest dream in it Moony had placed a piece of paper in his hand.

He was crying, but why? 

When he woke up the next morning his worst fears were realized.

A small paper was in his hand as he read it his heart sank.

This was all his fault. 

If he would have just told him how he felt last night.

What Remus meant to him, Remus would still be here. 

Remus would know that he was loved. He would be here smiling.

But no he was too much of a coward.

How could they have sorted me into Gryffindor? I wasn't even brave enough to tell my best friend how I felt… Even if I have to throw myself into danger. I will find him!

He would have to find him, he would save him, it can't be too late. He stuffed the paper in his pocket .

He started by transforming into an ambiguous form of a large dark dog.

 

“She's not dead, Sleeping Pills” by Suede “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol

 

Remus’s POV 

I woke up early in the morning, and started to head towards the Forbidden Forest hopefully I could camp out long enough or die trying. Hopefully no one would go looking for me in there.

Sirius’s POV

I started by looking in the Shrieking Shack. 

Then around the castle. As I continued searching my heart sank. 

I was too late. No… this can't be... because of me Remus could be hurt. Or worse dead.

The only place I hadn't looked yet was the Forbidden Forest. 

I quickly sent an owl to my friends to let them know where I was. 

I have to save Remus! It's my fault he's in this mess.

 

[What Sirius sent James]

Dear James 

As you might have noticed I'm gone. I probably won't make it to class, Moony run off and I'm afraid he's going to do something stupid. This is all my fault I should have told him when I had the chance. I’ve checked everywhere, he has to be in the Forbidden Forest. I have to go after him. Tell Mcgonagall if you like but I have to do this.

Your truly,

Sirius Black  
[Third Person]

Sirius could hear distant howls.

He saw a flash of movement.

He began to head into the forest and starting calling out Remus’s name. 

As he got deeper he got more desperate.

Scanning through the trees there was a Gryffindor tie it had blood covered in it. Next to it lay a blazer that was soaked with the sleeve cut off it. 

It was all his fault if he had only been brave enough to tell Remus when he still had the chance. Now it was too late.

Sirius simply couldn't imagine what was cruel enough to take away someone so brave. So true. So beautiful from this world.

All he knew was that he could only hope to find this monster and hope to meet the same fate as Remus.

It was only right that he got torn apart the same way as he had torn Remus’s heart apart with his lack of action.

If he had just told him how he felt.

Sirius slowly made his way deeper into the forest which seemed like it would never end. As though fate itself was punishing him, keeping him just out reach from death.


End file.
